Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A Sprinkling of Some Hope

Despite any and all of my intentions, plans, or deepest resolve, stress sometimes elbows its way uninvited into my life. I try to keep it out. I try and then try some more. I'm ordinarily the queen of self-talk, looking on the bright side, and force feeding myself some gratitude (for goodness sake!)

Still, stress and its partner in crime, woe-is-me, whines into town on one random Tuesday, and takes over. I become someone I don't want to be - or even worse, someone I do not choose to be. I am momentarily possessed, a victim of my own circumstances. This petulant me pouts her way through the day, unresponsive to encouragement and temporarily ignorant of reason. I am horrified by this body and mind snatcher of a woman, embarrassed to admit she is me.

Please understand. I am aware of and feel so disappointed in this bratty version of the (usually) more optimistic person I am. She's just not me. Today. She's just not me today. Today, I am the stranger in town. I recite wrongs. List annoyances. Tally all my hardships. Not only can I do no right, all I can do and be and think is wrong.

I cannot find my bearings or my way out of the dark hole I'm hanging out in - at least not at the moment. For now I need to sit it out and wait it through to the end. But my reality today is just as relevant  a part of my life as whatever's on tomorrow's horizon or whatever may have sailed off into yesterday's sunset. All of the women I am day in and day out add to the sum of my living and the total of my learning.

I cannot prevent the bad days any more than I can gather only the good in my basket. Each and every day I'm granted has something to teach me and if I'm reflective enough, I may just discover whatever it is I'm supposed to know. This new awareness may not come in the unsettled moments of this bad, worse, worst mood. But I'm willing to wait and watch for it.

Today's dilemmas will be revealed in their own good time with a little luck, a lot of prayer, and a sprinkling of some hope.

Tomorrow is, after all, another day.

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