Be Still

This is one of those dizzying, head spinning days where I see both sides of every argument and want to please all the people, all the time.  I'm stuck in push me-pull you mode.  I can't find my way to any sort of decision and throw my fortune to the winds of chance.

I worry too much.  Worry this way and that - a twisting path taking everyone else's point of view - until I'm not even sure I have my own point of view.  Or an opinion clear enough to recognize anyway.

It's times like this I need to be still.  And quiet.  I need to let these colorful swirls of indecision dissipate and dissolve until I'm ready.  Head  clear.  Eyes clear.  Mind open.  Ready.

Being still allows me better listening.  And maybe the late afternoon bird chatter I hear will feed my soul in exactly the right way for this just this moment.  A moment I might miss otherwise. 

Being still allows me to feel with the touch of my life, not just the emotion and heart of my life.  The stiff fabric of the jeans I fold.  The always surprising softness of my beagle's ears. The new summer sun and hose water and the curve of my favorite reading chair.

Being still gives me time.  The time I need to wrap my mind around whatever it is I've been unable to wrap it around thus far. 

It's time to take time.  Make time.  Find the time.

For only time ... will tell.

If I Do One Thing Today

No pressure.
No stress.
No list.
No task too small. Too unimportant.  Too anything.

If I do one thing today ... is a new life focus on what's important to me.  To me.

I decide.  I choose.  I focus.   On whatever task, large - small - important - or insignificant, is do-able and achievable in my day.  If I do one thing today ... is a thought coming to mind at some point in my day - beginning, middle, or end -  a direction I walk or a task I begin - for my own peace of mind and personal happiness.

So far ...

• I've cleaned the shower frame (do you even know how gunked up that can get?)
• Continued a knitting project
• Hand-written thank you notes
• Decluttered the condiment shelves in the fridge
• Selected some vacation photos for printing

And today ...

• wrote this blog post.

See?  Totally do-able.

I totally dig all the possibilities:  creativity, organization, long and much-needed cleaning, or putting an end to procrastination once and for all.

Might not always be fun, but If I do one thing today just plain feels good.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

Bloom

I wrote of list of things to do in my daybook this morning.  It's been a goal of mine to spend a quiet few morning minutes thinking about what's ahead in my day.  I love the feel of paper and the smell of ink.  And today I wrote a whole page full of good intentions.

Somewhere between the writing and the watching of the Under the Gunn finale On Demand, I closed the book on my list. Yes, I need to be productive today.  Yes, there's a whole lot that needs doing.  My attention is required to keep this household of ours spinning in it's regular orbit.  But.

But.

The sun is shining in the delight and celebration of Spring's first really warm-ish Saturday.

And.

I don't want to miss it.

I want to float here and there like some delirious just-hatched butterfly, landing on a little of this, drinking up a little of that, and soaking up a wing-full of vitamin D.

I want to spread the  petals of this Saturday wide open to all the possibilities of the life I'm so often too busy to appreciate.  Just now, I hear a woodpecker punctuating my decision. A neighbor runner just stopped out front to share a happy laugh and breath of fresh air.  It is indeed a day for living and laughter and listening to the world waking up.

A list would limit it.

So we'll see what gets done.  And who cares what doesn't get done?  Really.  It'll all be there for the doing tomorrow.  Unless the sun comes out then too.

Updating the Miles

So far, so good.

I'm at 44 miles.  #milesformilitary

You can find the post Here

I've walked, run, and most recently ... biked.  Wowsa!  I got the stationary hummmmmmin' today!!

It's all good.  And it's all to honor my son and our military.

Seriously, it's the very littlest least I can do.

Won't you consider joining me?  Add your miles to mine.  We can do this -

for them.

Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.  

-R.J. Palacio, WONDER

Hope and More Hope

I write in my head all the time.  Not so much on the blog.  Sorry about that.

Truth is, I'm not sure this is the format for me.  I'm not sure what I want to write or where I want to write.  When I can write is also an issue.  Not much spare time 'round these parts.

Still.

I hear voices in my head - and surprisingly they're mine.  And since they don't seem to go away, they'll be needing some expression along the way - either here or in some new place like here.

I've been keeping a daybook again.  Maybe it's there I will find my writer's voice again.

Thinking about ...

How to define goals so they're achievable.
How to use time well.
Smiling more.  Complaining less.
The word:  ENJOY
Signs of spring and rebirth and hope.
Grief in its many forms.
Learning. Creating.  Especially creating.
Rest.
What I'm eating - and what I should be eating.
Weakness.  Plural.
Spirit.

And more hope.  There's hope in this minute and hope for the one to follow.


I'll try to be around more.  Thanks for checking in.

Miles for Our Military

When I ran a marathon several years ago, it was helpful and motivating to dedicate each mile of the 26.2 as I ran it.  I ran miles for my children, my mother, my students, and so on.

As I ran this morning, I thought about the connection between a marathon and a military deployment - which almost certainly feels like a marathon for everyone involved.

My son is scheduled to return in May.  I've committed to running 100 miles (or more) before his return.  I dedicate each and every mile to him and other troops deployed so far from home.

If you need a little motivation, if you'd like to do something to support the marathon mission of our troops and their deployment, or if you'd like a really good reason to get yourself in shape, won't you join me?  Run, walk, swim, bike ... let's count those miles and let our troops know we're behind them!

Connect with me in comments or tweet me your miles @1hopefulyear  I'll keep a total tally and post the miles we've collectively logged in honor of our military.  I'll also make sure the right folks get the messaged.

Let's log some Miles for Our Military!

Joy Robbers

Ever been sailing along, life smooth as silky summer water, and hit a sudden storm of insecurity?

Just happened to me.

Twin joy robbers - criticism and self-doubt - slapped me upside the head last week and it still stings.  The criticism was swift, but unexpected, and knocked me to the ground.  Self-doubt and disappointment soon followed.  For a few days, everything I thought I knew about myself hovered like a question mark over my self-image. 

Perhaps I shouldn't allow the judgement of others to rob me of my joy, but it sometimes does.
Perhaps I shouldn't allow a quick critical moment to steal days away from my self-confidence, but that's sometimes how it feels to be me. 

What to do?
How to slap a patch on your ego and sail on?

This time around I studied my response and recovery time.  Here's what I learned:

Sit with it a bit.  While the initial fight or flight response is instinctive, resist the urge to go out and make it all better or run away and hide.  Sit with it.  Be patient.

Reflect.  After the initial shock's worn off, you'll be better prepared to reflect both on the message and the messenger.  I asked myself:  What am I supposed to learn from this?

Allow time to heal.  Stingers like these a sharp at first but eventually fade.

Remenber.  You are not the sum of one person's opinion.  But consider the parts and pieces of you from their point of view.  The eye of another beholder can be a powerful tool in your belt.

 

Ask.  How much significance is one drop in your waterfall?

Barbara